A Brief Overview of New Zealand

The land itself is over 500 million years old. It originally was part of a super-continent including Australia, and Antarctica. The supercontinent may have included South America, as certain trees are only found there and in New Zealand.

After splitting off from the supercontinent, New Zealand had no animal life other than reptiles, a few amphibians, and a lot of birds. The most interesting reptile is the tuatara (seen on the 5c coin), extinct in the rest of the world for 100 million years. The most interesting birds are the kiwi (the national icon), and the moa (eaten to extinction by the natives, cloning them from DNA has been mooted), both flightless. Other birds you might see include the weka (small and silly-looking as it runs along the ground), the native wood pigeon (natives used to eat them, as they have a very high fat conten. The story goes that the pigeons would eat berries until they got too fat to fly and then the natives would easily catch them).

The country consists of two main islands, both long (together 1000 miles from tip to toe) and narrow (280 miles at the widest point). Both islands have mountain ranges, but the South Island is particularly known for them. The Southern Alps include 350 glaciers, the largest being Tasman Glacier (18 miles long) which flows down the side of Mount Cook. The land is mostly used for agriculture, with the exception of the bulk of the South Island which is given over to national parks (some of which are World Heritage sites).

Humans didn't arrive on the main islands (initial settlements: the Far North and the Coromandels) until somewhere between 200 and 1150 A.D. Polynesians, who had canoed great distances, settled the islands. Today we know them as the Maori, the native people. Initially they foraged for food, eating birds, killing seals, and moving to a new place when birds or seals ran out. Around the 14th to 15th centuries they'd eaten their way through ready food, and slowly transformed themselves into gardeners and tribes.

In 1769, two European ships visited New Zealand. That number was up to a thousand by the 1830s. The first visitors were sealers, often with strong criminal (Australian) presences. Settlement began around 1800, with individuals living as Maori with Maori, but in 1814 came missionaries, shore whalers, timber workers, and traders. Towns formed in the 1830s, and from then the population doubled every decade until the 1870s.

The Maori initially welcomed the settlers, and in 1840 the Treaty of Waitangi (Waitangi is a town in Bay of Islands) was signed by a representative of England and chiefs of the tribes. This supposedly made New Zealand into a British territory, turned Maori into British subjects, guaranteeing them possession of their land and property, and specifying that if they wanted to sell land they had to sell it to the Crown. However, translation difficulties (explain `possession of your land' to people without concepts of private land) led to trouble over the differing expectations of the two parties.

In the 1860s, New Zealand was thrust into an unofficial civil war, when Maori unrest at the heavy-handed land-grabbing of the settlers and European government boiled over. The Maori Land Wars (as they are now known) were a lot like the United States' Civil War, in that many battles were lost by the eventual winning side despite numerical and often positional advantage. Unlike the US Civil War, though, the Maori were never given credit for their use of trench warfare, and British losses were ascribed to incompetent generals with no mention made of the tactics or ingenuity of the Maori. Most of the Maori wars were fought in the North Island, and resulted in considerable land losses when the British finally won.

In the 1970s a "Waitangi Tribunal" was started to sort out differences between the two signatories, and has resulted in return of land and fishing rights to the Maori tribes. A recent bone of contention is ``urban Maori'', those who have left their tribes and become city-dwellers. With no tribal affiliations, they have been denied a stake in many of the settlements, which some view as unfair.

Race relations are, on the whole, good. There are no lynchings or other atrocities. However, Maori remain an underprivileged minority in much the same was as African-Americans do. There have been various Maori independence and activist movements, with little widespread effect.

New Zealand culture is a lot like Australian culture, because they both are former British colonies with a strong dairy farming history. There is a lot of cultural and commercial exchange between the two, but they remain separate politically. Think of it like the US and Canada. Perhaps because of their commonalities, they vigorously defend their differences. Australia vs New Zealand rivalry is always strong.

Regions in a Nutshell

The Bay of Islands is like the Caribbean. In the top-right portion of the North Island, it has a warm climate that fosters horticulture, and much sailing.

Auckland is like Los Angeles. It's the largest city in New Zealand but not the capital (it's the center of commerce, full of yuppies, high housing costs, and the only air pollution in New Zealand). It houses the main international airport.

Coromandel is like the Carolinas. Agricultural, bush-covered, with a history of taciturn mountain-bred hillbillies. The scenery is beautiful, the cannabis fantastic.

Lake Taupo is like Lake Tahoe. Beautiful, peaceful, with a resort town on the side. Gateway to trout fishing, skiing, and the Huka Falls, as close to Niagara Falls as New Zealand gets. The Huka Falls are famous for a scandal in which a cricket umpire was bound and thrown into the falls, introducing the bulk of the New Zealand public to the word dominatrix for the first time.

Rotorua is like Hell (or Yellowstone). Full of geothermal activity, the smell of sulphur is very strong in the air. For the longest time, residents didn't have to heat their water they would just tap the steam vents. Pesky conservation fuddy-duddies have put a stop to that. Now you can see bubbling mud, geysers, and Maori cultural activities.

Hawkes Bay and Bay of Plenty are like the San Joaquin Valley. They have a warm climate, good soil, and so much is grown here. The BoP is known for turning the Chinese Gooseberry into Kiwifruit(tm). Now the Chileans are growing and selling kiwifruit for less than NZ farmers can, so NZ has turned Kiwifruit(tm) into Zespri(r)(tm)(sm)(c)(pat pend) in the hopes that world markets will once again prove stupider than anyone thought possible. The jury is still out.

Wellington is like San Francisco. It's built on hills around a port, it gets the leftover weather from everywhere else (climate: think Seattle). Culturally, though, the gays have it. It's got more eateries within walking distance of each other than there are days of the year (consequently, you should visit them soon after they open because their lifetime is often less than a year). It's the capital city, containing the notorious Beehive building, a finely polished cement bowl containing the highest-floating excrement of New Zealand society (the government). Wellington is known as ``the Windy city'' for a reason.

The South Island is mostly national parks. Colonised by Scots and other fringe British elements, it retains a reputation for lunacy. Christchurch is the major city, with gothic architecture and its own wizard. Invercargill is as far South as you get before you hit the little Chatham Islands which are pretty much the only place in New Zealand still bearing a resemblance to its pre-civilization glory. Dunedin is the home of many indie bands, earning it a reputation as the Seattle of the South Pacific, although it has no Microsoft to redeem it. The South Island has fewer people (although it's larger, as South Islanders like to point out by wankily calling it ``the mainland'') and more glaciers.