Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Message-ID: <33EF9204.3375@ncar.ucar.edu>
From: Ilana Stern <ilana@ncar.ucar.edu>
Subject: Re: MOUNT.BOB excursion summary
Date: Mon, 11 Aug 1997 16:28:20 -0600

Mao Tse-Tung wrote:

> > Ilana Sterns' rock climbing expedition. Shortly afterward, proceeded to
> > the expedition itself, with sixteen other people. After getting top ropes
> > rigged, many people were introduced to the joys of rock climbing with the
> 
> Rock climbing? Are you serious?

Perfectly.

Ilana's School of Climbing for Bobbers[1]

Step the first:  Get Gary Heston to bring his Stuff.[2]

Step the second:  Pile a bunch of people into a variety
of vehicles and make them drive to Deckers and halfway
back.  "The number on this road doesn't match the number
in the directions."  This was the guidebook's second 
flaw;  the first was that it didn't specify 4WD[3] for the
forest service road to Turkey Rock[4].

Step the third:  hike aimlessly until figuring out that
the place we want to be is where all the other climbers
are[5].  Be frantic about things until the morale
officer calms me down.

Step the fourth:  run around like a lunatic setting up
topropes on anything that looked remotely climbable.
Draft cute guys to help.[7]  

Step the fifth:  belay lessons.  "Okay, you are all going
to learn how to belay each other.  So if you get dropped
and killed, it's your belayer's fault, not mine, so have
your estate sue him, not me."

Step the sixth:  step back and watch the fun.  No, not
really:  run around making sure nobody does anything
stupid.  Try to sweet-talk harness-hogs into sharing.
Instruct successful climbers in how to get lowered 
back down without major scrapes and bruises.[8]  Demonstrate
layback technique.  Feed people bagels.[9]  Lose voice.
Lather, rinse, repeat.

It must work.  Four people were repeat victims from
HOTT.BOB.  Tell your friends!


[1] Not to be confused with bobbing for climbers.
[2] If you ever have a garage sale, Gary, let me know.
[3] Sorry, Mike, and I hope the repairs weren't too expensive.
[4] No reflection on the participants.
[5] They accepted the invasion with good graces, though.
[6] Thanks, Mike.
[7] Thanks, cute guys.
[8] Lean back, spread your legs, and trust the rubber.
[9] The ones the ground squirrels hadn't found, anyway.