[The Book of Not: The Book of the Blue Plymouth: Intimate Secrets] The Book of Not: The Book of the Blue Plymouth: Intimate Secrets
"Well, that worked.", Mikey said, enjoying the sight of his handiwork. This was the first really mean thing he had done to someone else - and it felt good. It gave him a sense of pleasure, a rush. Mikey was so thrilled with his first shitty deed he began to dance around wildly. It wasn't actually that wild - not even as wild as a Lollapalooza concert. But having no reference point or any other dance to compare it too, he was pretty pleased with himself.

But like all good rushes, it left him tired when he calmed down about half an hour later when it dawned on Mikey that he really didn't have any solid plans. He didn't know what he was going to do when the biker chick woke up - much less what he was going to say to her. It began to scare Mikey. He got real depressed and started to drink something green and alcoholic. Oh, it was blood sure enough, but only in the strictest sense of the word.

So there they were, a depressed, drunken but strangely charismatic Malkavian who had an identity problem and an underaged, comatose wench with a penchant for Turkish headgear (like I said, it was quite a fez) lying beside him. It's a good thing the British tabloids didn't catch them else he would have gotten the most horrible publicity, he thought, swigging generously from the bottle.

"Well whaddaya know," Mikey slurred, "green booze, purple hat. It figures." He tried to cheer himself up by placing tiny umbrellas in the girl's hair and gluing the shards back together. But without glue and having lost most of his coordination, his efforts seemed pretty ineffectual. And after a good long while of feeling sorry for himself, he eventually had a number of revelations:

  1. He was a bit overweight
  2. Purple and Green are not good colors at all
  3. No one cared about him
  4. No one liked him, and...
  5. The comatose girl was probably his best friend in the whole world
Which of course, led him to the inevitable conclusion:

"Unlife sucks."

And then he passed out.

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This page's content authored by: Ryan J. Smart [smart@tuxedo.enet.dec.com]