The Book of Not: The Book of the Blue Plymouth: English Taffeta

Mikey woke up feeling all wobbly in the head. He didn't like that feeling - it reminded him too much of when he used to have the flu and his head felt a big piece 'o lead. He looked around slowly to get his bearings and then picked up the purple fez (oh, what a fez!) and put the 13 pieces of the ivory plume in it and put it on his head. It made him feel a bit better, having majestic headgear on, somehow more important. he then hoisted the biker chick on his shoulder and proceeded to walk towards the city.

When he got there, the cupboards were bare, and so poor little Mikey had none.

"Strange," Mikey thought to himself, "from this angle - this biker chick sure looks like my father." And sure enough, Mikey was right. In fact, Mikey was never wrong. Never. He liked the feeling of the broken ivory pieces in the fez. They made a sort of jangling sound - almost like driftwood set in motion. It reminded him of spring.

Well..not spring exclusively, of course, but spring nonetheless. Anyway, it was a good thing to tell people when they asked about it and it made him feel like he was important.

Now, that he had a fez, he decided he'd go visit his brother, the bull fight. His name was Tory. Tory didn't have a fez and because of that, Mikey felt especially pleased.

"Aww, come on, just this once. Here...I'll give you this rock to play with if you let me come to the party with you. It's really cool. It's blue, see?"

"That piece of junk? Look at it! It's worthless."

"Ah, but polish it up and put a necklace around it and you've got something that people will admire."

"Hmm...now that you mention it. It does remind me of springtime."

But that conversation was a long time ago. Mikey didn't have any stones he could bring Tory. "But perhaps," Mikey hoped, "Tory would like a piece of this ivory feather. Maybe he'll even...like it."

Mikey dropped the biker chick on the ground, giving her another bruise on the head. He then reached into his fez and looked at the pieces.

"Now if I were Tory's piece of ivory, which one would I be?", Mikey pondered. After a good long while, Mikey selected a beautiful piece that resembled a rose blossom.

Mikey got to Tory's house, but Tory wouldn't let Mikey in. Tory claimed that Mikey smelled of booze and that he wasn't going to let him in until "that bitch" that he was carrying was gone, unless of course, she writes an article in a local social magazine or perhaps could do something mildly entertaining.

Mikey got fed up and hurled the ivory rose blossom at Tory, who caught it square in the jaw. Tory began to bleed and the cheek and the blood stained the ivory blossom a deep red. Tory was staring at it admiringly as Mikey left defiantly.

"Well...I guess I shouldn't expect things to change. He always was a bit of a snob." huffed Mikey as he left. And then he remembered, "It's Vinnie's birthday today!" Vinnie was Mikey's other brother. He was a senator until someone made fun of his policies, so he became a lawyer.

"A step down the evolutionary ladder, perhaps, but being a sleaze has its privileges. Wait...no it doesn't - I got that wrong. Being a sleaze doesn't have any privileges. Hold on...that's not right either. Maybe he's got some privileges, but they're contingent upon him joining the right health club. Wait. Now I'm confused." However, this was nothing new to Mikey.

So Mikey took off in search of not only a blue Plymouth, but Vinnie.

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This page's content authored by: Ryan J. Smart [smart@tuxedo.enet.dec.com]