[The Book of Not: The Book of Gehenna: The Re-Awakening of Tremere] The Book of Not: The Book of Gehenna: The Re-Awakening of Tremere

GEHENNAVISION PART SIX
Brought to you by Vladimir Vladimir, standing in the fields since 1985
[BLACK SCREEN]
[MUSIC: Generic Death Metal Tune #785.]
[GRAPHIC: Slashing letters reading "Gehennavision Part Six" and then MTV-News-style typewriter letters crashing into place "The RE-awakening of Tremere"]

TIM ROTH'S VOICE: Okay, so you're saying that we're really just little dots on a page somewhere at a college in the Midwest?
HARVEY KEITEL'S VOICE: Nah, nah, nah, not right now. Right now we're just voices.
TIM ROTH'S VOICE: Oh, yeah? So what's this game we're supposed to be a part of?
HARVEY KEITEL'S VOICE: It's called the Masquerade.
TIM ROTH'S VOICE: Ohhh, I get it. You're insane.
HARVEY KEITEL'S VOICE: Well, that's probably just about as close as you're going to get it.

[JUMP CUT TO: Police car zooming down street.]
[ZOOM on flashing lights of the police car.]

RADIO VOICE: Six housewife thirty, report position! Six housewife thirty, report position!
OTHER RADIO VOICE: Nineteen foxfire eighty-seven to central, we've got a niner niner niner in progress down at the upside-down morgue in Death Alley...
OTHER OTHER RADIO VOICE: This is six housewife thirty.
RADIO VOICE: Report position, housewife! Seventeen psycho eight, are you rolling?
TREMERE'S VOICE: This is psycho. I'm rolling north on fifteen towards the black block.
RADIO VOICE: Copy that, psycho. Go gettem, housewife.

[MUSIC changes to theme from "Police Story".]

JOE FRIDAY'S VOICE (OVER): This isn't the city, but it will do in a pinch. Pinch me, mommy. I think I'm dreaming again. Oh, oh, oh please Jesus. Pinch him. Pinch him hard. Send him to the big lockup. One last ride down Police Street.

[Police car stops, and TREMERE emerges, in full police uniform.]

RICHARD KIMBALL'S VOICE (OVER): I didn't think they'd send psycho. Foxfire, maybe, or even housewife. But not psycho. Nobody got away from psycho.

[TREMERE draws his gun and quicksteps up a fire escape. MUSIC is going wild, with trumpets, backbeats and 1970s kitsch.]

CAGNEY'S VOICE (OVER): You'll never get me alive, copper!

[Suddenly, a spray of bullets blasts out at TREMERE. He takes one in the gut and his body drapes over the railing of the fire escape. DICK TRACY enters. JOHN WOO can be seen nearby, filming. (He looks like Peter Lorre.)]

TRACY: That's got him, Milligan!
WOO: Why didn't he fling himself over the edge?
TREMERE (weakly): I did...a long time ago...

[FX: wavery "flashback filter" with doodly music on the soundtrack...]

[FADE THROUGH TO: TREMERE'S BASEMENT, the 1300s.]
[The original cabal is standing around mumbling to each other and enacting an evil ritual.]

TREMERE'S VOICE: How well I remember that fateful night...
TIM ROTH'S VOICE: Who the hell is this guy?
HARVEY KEITEL'S VOICE: Yeah, what in hell are _you_ doing here?
TREMERE'S VOICE: I...uh...
TIM ROTH'S VOICE: Get the fuck out of here! If I'm just going to be a voice, I'm at least gonna have a little privacy!
TREMERE'S VOICE: How dare you speak to me that way!
HARVEY KEITEL'S VOICE: Oh, a cowboy. Cut off his little finger.
TREMERE'S VOICE: I'm going, I'm going.
TIM ROTH'S VOICE: Well, that was easy.
HARVEY KEITEL'S VOICE: What are these clowns doing?

[The cabal seems to be nearly done.]

TIM ROTH'S VOICE: This is dull. Change the channel.
HARVEY KEITEL'S VOICE: Change it yourself.

[CUT TO STATIC.]
[CUT TO: TREMERE getting cut down in a hail of bullets from PROFESSOR MORIARTY.]

MORIARTY: Mwah ha ha ha!
TREMERE: Aagh! Quick lads...over...the...side...

[A swarthy BAND OF PIRATES leaps up behind MORIARTY and quickly capture him...]

[MUSIC goes wild with triumphant chords...slow fade to EXTERIOR: a cloudy day. TREMERE, dressed as a policeman again, in a large cast, stands on a stage with MAYOR McCHEESE. YOSSARIAN, nude, stands next to him.]

MAYOR: For heroism beyond the call of reason, we award you this medal.

[pins it on TREMERE's cast.]

[CUT TO: Sun emerging from clouds.]
[CUT TO TREMERE. He explodes like the penguin on the TV in Monty Python.]

JAMES EARL JONES' VOICE: Tremere will be back in "Welcome Back, Kotter."

[CUT TO BLACK]


Coming soon: Gehennavision part three! The Awakening of Cressida!

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This page's content authored by: Jason Corley [corleyj@cobweb.scarymonsters.net]