The Book of Not: The Book of Rebel Nations

Wherein Caine describes unto Malkav the end of everything; and Malkav describes it unto somebody else who promptly forgets most of it and makes up something else entirely.

And Caine did then say "Yea, and verily shalt there be seven signs of Gehenna in the first edition followed by six other really important signs and several minor signs which just aren't very important - subtle hints, more like - in later revisions and sourcebooks."

And Malkav did nod his head in agreement, for he too had seen those signs. But really he did nod his head because he had forgotten all but one of those signs, and he didn't, like, want to look stupid in front of Caine, or anything.

And the sign he did remember was that "There shalt be a great shortage of toilet paper, for the Children of the Lord shall not cease their squeezing of the Charmin."

(Actually, he wasn't sure about that sign, even, since he had foreseen it during a commercial in an episode of MacGyver which he was foreseeing at the time. With really good reception, too.)

And Malkav did realize that while his minds had been wandering, Caine was continuing his story.

And Caine did say unto Malkav "There shalt be four Horsemen of the Apocalypse; and Doom too shall follow them for it will be Hell On Earth."

And Malkav did think unto himself "Verily shouldst I send in my preorder card, that I might receive, free of charge, the Survival Guide (a $12.95 value)."

And Caine did say "Of the Horsemen, but a single one shall actually ride upon a horse; And His name shall be Clint, for Clint is a good name for a Horseman.

And one shall be named Garth; And He shall ride in a very unHorsemanlike limousine. And the masses shall drag Him down and kill Him, for He shall be annoying.

And one should have been known as Jason, but He didn't want to be associated with this book so we'll call Him boB instead, and spell his name backwards just because.

And the Fourth shall bear the name Anson and he shall have the power to do really disgusting things with his tongue (and Malkav did think unto himself "Ewwww.")."

(And Malkav did have a vision; and he did see the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypses' Sister, the Horsewoman of the Apocalypse. And lo, her name was Dot, and she was cute.)

And Caine did continue to speak to Malkav of many great Rebel Nations, but Malkav heard him not, for he have had a revelation of his own; and as he had realized that the Hokey Pokey truly was fun, so he was now busily turning himself about, 'cause that's what it's all about, not that boring stuff this Caine guy was going on about.

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