Pranklympics: Part Oh Dear God, He's Back With More

211. Find a somewhat small town. Just before dusk, have a bunch of ghouls very quickly build a small wall in the middle of the main street. Include rolled razor wire and spotlights. When the sun sets, come out dressed like post WWII East German soldiers. Start screaming in German (or just sound harsh and use a lot of phlegm) at the curious bystanders and open fire. No one must cross the Berlin Wall. (When no one else will come near enough to drill, label some of your more unobservant buddies as capitalist sympathizing traitors...)

212. Get a couple of friends and some tow trucks. Declare a ritzy valet parking garage a no parking zone. Whap valet attendants on the noggins with the "No Parking" signs you ripped out of the ground on the way there if they argue. Tow the offending vehicles to the police impound lot.

213. ...or if you can't get the two trucks, carve a parking violation ticket onto each car's hood with a knife and superglue "No Parking" signs to the windshields.

214. Sneak into a local grocery store after hours. Peel a bunch of bananas. Glue the peels back onto the banana-shaped plastique you brought and put the produce on the bottom of the pile. Have ghouls with camcorders in place the next day.

215. Get a bunch of nasty, preferably rabid, pitbulls. Go to a very fancy restaurant. Declare all diners as trespassing on your land. Release the hounds.

216. A "JUGGS" baseball throwing machine. A couple of bags full of potatoes. A crowded movie theater. Multiple concussions, much blunt trauma, and lots of giggles.

217. One commandeered garbage truck filled to the brim. The state legislature building. Explain that you're only trying to consolidate the location of all the trash.

218. Find out where someone is doing a shark documentary. Glue a fake dorsal fin on your back and a big row of souvenir shark teeth on your mouth. See how much film coverage you can get when you attack another shark with a fireman's axe.

219. A crowded whirlpool at a health club. A juiced-up cattle prod. Lot of neat new hairdos.

220. Think dynamite fishing. Now think dynamite cattle herding.

221. Get a mobile anti-aircraft gun. Go to a busy airport. Declare duck season open.

222. Steal a baby elephant. Make it watch a certain Disney movie. Hope it has learned quickly as you launch it off of the Sears Tower.

223. Fleshcraft someone to look like Bill Clinton. Strip him naked and superglue frozen waffles all over his body. Drop him off in front of the Senate Building during session. Dominate him into going inside screaming "I never inhaled! Really!".

224. Watch TV all night and write down the address of every frivilous lawyer who advertises. The next night, visit each one and superglue a whiplash neckbrace onto him. Damn weasels...

More to come soon...

-Peg Leg Pete, thinking he should buy stock in Superglue...

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