Pranklympics: Part V.A.L.'s Amazing Lipstick

225. Find a place that sells firewood. Buy a bunch of it. Now douse it in gasoline and light it. Argue with proprietor that he never stipulated anything about location...

226. Steal a grizzly bear. Superglue a forest ranger hat on his head, a can of gasoline in one had, and a zippo in the other. Let 'em loose near the fire station.

227. Sneak into a grocery store after hours again. Superglue worms to every apple.

228. A baseball bat, some grenades, and a marching band at a parade. Bonus points for floats.

229. Tie someone to some railroad tracks. Dress up like Superman. Stand on the tracks and try and stop the train from smushing the poor sap. Bonus points for good hang time.

230. (This one may take a lot of work...) Build a very large mousetrap (life-size). Now fleshcraft some sucker into looking like a huge rat. (You may need some grey spray-paint here.) Arm the trap and throw ratboy on it. Now relocate the filled trap to the lawn in front of the Senate. Spray-paint "You're Next" on the sidewalk.

231. Get yourself hit by a bus. Struggle feebly on the ground. When the paramedics arrive, feign a slow heartbeat. Once at the hospital, wait 'til they put you under (heh, heh) and begin operating. Open your eyes and give helpful pointers to the doctors.

232. Set up one of those super slingshot launchers behind a drive-in movie screen. Think car batteries.

233. Rip out your eyeballs before sleeping one day. The following night, take them and superglue them on the front door of town hall. Carve "Big Brother Is Watching" on the door.

234. Go to a boating show. Get a jetski and a box of dynamite. Destroy the evil Spanish Armada.

235. Go to a basketball game. Find a very hidden spot in the rafters. Have a sniper rifle with a big scope, a good silencer, and a flash suppressor. See how many three pointers you can gun down halfway there. Shooting the players is considered bad form.

236. Go to a journalist convention. Demonstrate to them the real meaning of decimation.

237. Go to an unemployment office during a busy time. Rob it just for the confused expressions you'll get.

238. Go to a suicidal feelings help group. Halfway into the session, pull out a gun and shoot yourself in the head. Put it away and tell everyone you feel much better. See how many people still stay. Bonus points if you can get someone to help you pick up your brains.

239. A porcupine in each fist. A mosh pit. 'Nuff said.

240. (Only for the truly sick and perverted male pranksters...) Cut off your tallywhacker. (Don't worry, it'll grow back...) Superglue a live garter snake in it's place. Go to a doctor telling him you have a small problem...

241. Find a lone werewolf. With some friends, restrain him somehow. Now immolate him. Take the ashes and put them in a desk at the local TV station. Imagine the surprised looks when furbutt regenerates in a mildly irritated frame of mind. (Did I just open a door to portable werewolf bombs?...)

Okay, that's all for tonight, kiddos. See ya later...

-Peg Leg Pete, hmmm... portable werewolf bombs... the possibilities are endless...

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