Pranklympics: Part Ham Sam'ich

301. (Okay, so I lied. There is a number '301'.) Get a few friends and dress up real nice. Now find a fancy restaurant that the Prince or a Primogen member frequents regularly (must be the atmosphere, eh?). Try and get a table as close to him as possible. If you can, try to get his attention just as your meal is being served. (Bonus points for a look of fear or a gasp.) Commence chowing down and projectile vomiting. See if you can get your money back. As you leave, compliment the chef and tell the vampire dignitary that you'll see him again tomorrow night...

302. Dress up like Judge Dredd, machine gun and all. Go to a state penitentiary. Ease prison crowding. Bonus points for best rendition of "I am the law!" as the cops drag you off.

303. Bring back public slave auctions. Shoe polish yourself if you're too pale and get a whip. Now get some buddies with shackles and raid the nearest Ku Klux Klan meeting.

304. Go to a chicken farm with a chainsaw. Find out what 'run around like a bunch of chickens with their heads cut off' really means.

305. Dress up in a gorilla suit. Find one of those street entertainers with the music box and one of those silly ass spider monkeys. Punish the slave driver and free your brethren. Then offer to replace the monkey for cheap rates.

306. (Only for early risers...) A sleeping Gargoyle. Graffiti.

307. Start up a jackhammer near a Gargoyle to see if he'll frenzy. (If he doesn't, you might as well. I mean, you did pay for a brand new jackhammer, didn't you?)

308. If another vampire insults you, procure a glove to smack him with. (Works best with Torries and Ventrues.) Rear back, but don't hit him. Look thoughtfully at the glove and drop it. Then take out a knife, cut off your own hand, and smack him with that.

309. Have fun with airport security. Cut a hole in your side, stuff some ball bearings in, and close the cut. Stuff your pockets full of keys (preferably others') and make a big production of taking them out one at a time at the metal detector. Five minutes and several frustrated security officers and line-waiters later, tell them that it must be your old war wound. Then reach in and pull out the ball bearings, putting them in the little tray with your keys and walk through. Pulling out intestines is considered bad form. Another variation of this is to ram a knife in your chest and walk through. When the pass the stick over you, look surprised when they find the knife. "I've been looking for that..."

310. Use Fleshcraft and props to look like George Washington. Visit a cherry orchard with a chainsaw. Then take the chainsaw to a U.S. mint and complain about being stuck on a measly one dollar bill.

311. (Here's a bit of a prank for any Malkavian who becomes a Prince or attains a lot of power...) Find some vampires who have irritated you (shouldn't be too difficult) and whom generally have a lot of enemies. Invite them over one night one at a time. Once they come in, have them subdued and buried upside-down in your back yard with only their ankles and feet sticking out of the ground. Once you've planted them all, host a party to the general vampiric population. To open the festivities, gather everyone out back. Then start up your riding lawn mower. Label each pair of feet with eh correct name and commence the bidding...

312. (Here's another one for a Malk Prince...) Procure one of those cranes with those humongous magnets from a wrecking yard. Install the magnet in the roof of your grand hall, disguised as art. (It'd be worth it to hire a Torry for the job just for the look of suspicion on his face.) Now hold a general assembly of the city's population. Declare that weapons will no longer be permitted in your presence. When people start laughing and looking askance, flip the switch. You ought to have a nice collection of weapons and a few Brujah decorating your ceiling soon thereafter. If you're really feeling frisky, flip the switch on and off, letting the Brujah bust ass until they frenzy.

-Peg Leg Pete, more maņana, maybe...

Back to the Prank Locker Table of Contents