Pranklympics: Part Roaches Suck Major Bobo

Yup, you guessed it-- the Pranklympics are back. Back by somewhat of a popular demand (well, technically, two people can be considered as such, right?), I once more bring you humor, sadism, disgust, confusion, and the need for a mop. And to add insult to injury, I have compiled enough pranks to make another part of the Prankthology. So prepare your killfiles now before the holiday rush. And this episode is dedicated to someone whose ancestors apparently had a fetish for counting radiation. And now on to our regularly scheduled reprogramming...

322. Go Find some people tripping on acid (shouldn't be too tough in Denton). Now repeatedly Earth Meld in front of them. Become a local legend and earn the admiration of your peers.

323. Go to Hollywood. Dress up like Dracula and wear a rainbow wig. Now Obfuscate and make cameo appearances in as many movie scenes as physically possible. Drive film crews and editors to alcoholism.

324. Find a medium sized stream that has a beaver dam (usually visited or seen by day). One night, tear it down and replace it with a cement dam. Superglue little construction helmets to a few of the larger beavers and spray-paint "Ain't evolution grand?" on the new dam.

325. Impersonate Abraham Lincoln and give impromptu renditions of the Emancipation Proclamation at Ku Klux Klan meetings. For bonus points, recite in its entirety Dennis Hopper's monologue to Christopher Walken from 'True Romance', inserting 'inbred rednecks' for 'Sicilians'.

326. Find a Lasombra. (Shouldn't be too hard-- just shoot a bunch of wops and pick the one that gets back up. If anyone took offense to that, you are an idiot who takes offense too easily and will likely take offense to being called an idiot, also. Idiot.) Now beat the piss out of him. (Or her, if you're a) a male chauvinist pig, b) an equal-opportunity asshole, or c) if you don't want to use sexist language but think political correctness is stupid and just want to poke fun at as many people as possible.) Then manacle his feet and bring him to the top of a decent sized building. Call the press and then lower him a few stories upside-down from a chain linked to the manacles. Have someone strong start swinging the squealing Lasombra back and forth once the camera crews start showing up. Should make for some interesting live camera coverage, eh?

327. Find one very macho, punkish Brujah (preferably one with a loud mohawk). Get some friends and stake him. Now shave every single hair off of his body. Apply an obscene amount of makeup (neon purple nail polish included, of course) and paint yellow hair on him. Dress him up in an itty bitty teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini and get in a vehicle with a camcorder hidden in the back. Now tie a rope to the stake and yank it out (while in the car, of course). Drive off just fast enough as the screaming little boy-toy runs after you, filming all the live-log way. Declare free movie night at the next Elysium gathering.

328. Find one pretty little Toreador that is excessively vain. Stake 'em. Drag him to a tattoo parlor and Dominate the tattoo artist into tattooing "Poseur For Hire" on his forehead. Now take out the stake and heavily Dominate the Torry into forgetting the whole incident and ignoring the tattoo,refusing to believe that it exists. Fun for those prestigious TorridWhore parties.

329. Find a vampire who has a known interest in the occult. Now go kill a ram and take its horns and hind-quarters. Then go nab the vampire. Cut his legs off from the knees down, replacing them with the ram legs, and superglue the horns to his head. Take his shirt off and carve pentagrams and runs on his chest ("C'thulu rocks your lame ass" is a popular suggestion). Now go throw him in the Tremere chantry.

330. Find out when a Primogen member will be leaving town for a week or so. Once he's gone, bulldoze his entire estate, removing everything completely. Cement over the entire compound, leaving "Caine loves you, but everyone else thinks your an asshole" written in the cement.

331. During Christmas season, Fleshcraft a bunch of little kids into demented versions of Santa's elves. Use your own imagination as to what to make long and pointy.

332. Attend an opera or classical music concerto. Obfuscate and sneak backstage with a portable stereo, a Quiet Riot CD, and a lot of wires. C'mon, feel the noise... (Bonus points for actually finding structural attunement.)

333. Use Chimestry to make the Prince look like Bozo the Clinto-- ummm... Clown during a serious speech. (Or the Emperor Who Wore No Clothes.)

334. Nab a Lupine. Shave it. Send the Polaroids to its Pack Elders with suggestions to post them in the local cairn.

Well, seeing as how shallow my mind is, it's not too surprising to see the well run dry about now. So sit tight and be patient, for more pranks will be coming your way soon. Remember, if you have any good pranks, please send them Erehwon's way (erehwon@nauticom.net) to be put in the Prankthology, a grand compilation of many pranks from many people.

-Peg Leg Pete, they tried brain surgery on me, but they didn't count on organ rejection...

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