The Prankthology, Part Three of Five

221. Attend a "Rogaine with Manoxidyl" informative meeting. Forcibly superglue throw rugs to everyone's head and chase them to a news station.

222. Rent jet-skis. Have a demolition derby. (Telling other jet-skiers that they are now participants is not required.)

223. Go to a ski resort. Start a snowball fight. Five minutes into it, start wrapping impact-fused grenades into the snowballs.

224. Go to the zoo with a weedwhacker. Bravely fight a Grizzly.

225. Dominate Cindy Crawford into thinking she is a sheep.

226. Dominate a Tremere into believing that "Fantasia" is the ultimate authority on magical wisdom.

227. Convince a large portion of the American public that 70s style is back in vogue. Oh, wait, already did that one... (Ouch! I was just kidding, josephe, really...)

228. Dominate a Lupine and a Gangrel into singing "My Dog Has Fleas" as a duet. Videotape and send to respective elders.

229. Secretly turn an entire football team into ghouls before kickoff. Bonus points to the vampire who correctly guess the number of injuries by game's end...

230. Publicly draw and quarter Ted Kennedy at a feminist rally.

231. Fleshcraft a large number of people to look like Edgar Allen Poe. Dominate them into flapping their arms like wings and screeching "Nevermore!" all across town.

232. Randomly fleshcraft a sleeping member of a couple into looking like someone completely different just for chaos' sake.

233. Dress up like Lizzie Bordan and visit fast food restaurants. Don't skimp on the whacks.

234. Fleshcraft a bunch of kids into looking like Beavis and Butthead and dominate them into laughing rather stupidly.

235. Send mail bombs to imbeciles who start chain letters.

236. Give a free magic show. Cut a buddy in half for real. Throw his legs into the crowd and let him pull himself after them.

237. Dress up like a clown and beat the hell out of all the mimes you can find.

238. After a Prince has called a bloodhunt on someone, turn about twenty people into look-alikes of the poor bastard. Then turn the victim into a double of the Prince.

239. Using the "Mask of a Thousand Faces", look like a Nosferatu. Insist that you are a Nosferatu. Works great on Samedi and Gargoyles too.

240. Go into Crinos at the Toreador Ball. (Vissectitude and Obfuscate recommended)

241. Assume the shape of one of your own paranoid hallucinations, like the thing under the bed. Now go hide under the Prince's bed.

242. Drag around a leash and tell everyone your dog is obfuscated.

243. When granted a major boon (in my case by Capone) ask for a pit-bull named "Spot" and a GI JOE lunch box.

244. Listen to two second clips of random music, REALLY loud, in cars where people can't escape.

255. Decide you are not a vampire, eat real food, tell everyone you just have the stomach flu.

256. Using Vissectitude and Obfuscate, make yourself look just like the Prince's favorite ghoul. Now go and smack the Prince across the face in front of a lot of people, screaming , "You bitch!". Run like hell and release the real ghoul.

257. Make a prominent rabbi look like Hitler.

258. Sneak into a haunted house. Go Horrid Form. Have fun and see how long it takes until people know you're for real.

259. Change to look like a famous person. Do something blatantly illegal. Make sure to have lots of witnesses. (See, Loone, I told you we could get OJ...)

260. Get on top of a tall building and threaten to jump. A few hours (and a few shrinks) later, jump. Get up and say you feel much better now. Run away cackling.

261. Empire State Building. Competition to see who can actually land on someone when they jump. Use stunned onlookers for sustenance. (Bonus points for any mashed toy poodles and the biggest crater.)

262. Find the creator of Capri Sun. Stick a large, stainless steel straw into him, start drinking, and ask how he likes it.

263. Force some heads into a bunch of balloons and blow them up with helium. Hand 'em out for free at a fair. (Mommy, mommy, look what the nice clown gave me!)

264. Play Chihuahua-ball.

265. Dress up in a devil costume with a leather jacket and get a Harley Davidson motorcycle. Attend a Hell's Angels rally and take your rightful place. Start stabbing with your pitchfork if they give ya any lip.

266. Get a very large supply of sodium. Visit a water park. (As v.a.l. said before, sing the Doors' "Come on baby, light my fire...")

267. Dress up like Paul Bunyan. Steal an ox and spray-paint it blue. Start choppin' down telephone poles, singing "I'm a lumberjack, and that's OK..."

268. Dress up like Elmer Fudd and visit a zoo with a bird aerie. Yelling "Pull!" before you fire is suggested.

269. Go to a vet. Get a bunch of syringes that will induce rabies. Go buy a bunch of nasty pit bulls. Stick the doggies and visit a post office.

270. Using fleshcraft and stealth, replace a corpse before a wake. Shake people's hands and thank them for coming when they come to pay their respects.

271. Dress up in togas. Release some starving lions in the middle of a Catholic mass.

272. Sneak into a zoo at night. Heavily sedate and completely shave a gorilla. Spray-paint him pink and put a large pair of briefs and a baseball hat on him. Put a big screen TV in the cage. Sit him up in an easy chair and glue a remote in one hand and a beer in the other.

273. Get a bunch of friends and dress up like outlaw cowboys on horses. Hold up a mass transit bus, telling everyone you're stagecoach robbers.

274. Randomly tar and feather night court judges in the middle of a court session.

275. (Only for ambitious pranksters...) Climb up Mt. Rushmore and spray-paint Lincoln's nose neon purple.

276. (Again, only serious vampires should apply... or ones with a death wish...) Replace the Pope before a big trip. Preach the merits of Greek Mythology and its undeniable truth.

277. Pick someone. Preferably a stuffy PC or NPC. Torment them by pointing and yelling "I want my two dollars!"

278. Go to the grocery store. Buy some avocados. Give them to people. Leave them places. Smear them on your face. Deny that avocados exist.

279. Buy some Transformers. Play with them constantly. If anyone asks, look them straight in the face and say "They're more than meets the eye."

280. If conversing with werewolves (or Gangrel) talk only in barks, chirps, grunts and groans. Howl badly.

281. The trees are waiting to get you. They are waiting for you to die the Final Death so that they can sink their bloated roots into your corpse and grow strong on your stinking flesh. Where do stakes come from? Trees. Best to cut them all down now.

282. Look in that mirror over there. LOOK AT IT. It's only showing one reflection, isn't it? Just one. One of you, one of them, one of those...Now look around: one of you, one of them, one of those... COINCIDENCE? I think not. Mirrors are slowly but surely imposing their reality on all of us. Carry a hammer. Break them and force them to show things how they really are.

283. There is one more place in this room where everything is reflected. Your eyes. Her eyes. Their eyes. Smile and hold that hammer very carefully.

284. Rash of sudden unexplained deaths? Zappa, Bixby, Burgess, Elvis? No mystery to a Malkavian. They had to die or else HOW COULD IT HAVE BEEN BROUGHT TO LIFE??????????

285. Sing "I'm a Little Teapot" when you are asked for input.

286. Eat a big meal before going to see the Prince. You know, a nice big steak, some mashed potatoes, salad, orange juice... His place could do with some color anyway. Spend Willpower to make sure you can choke it down. "Gridley, you may vomit when ready."

287. Revert to childhood during combat. "No Daddy please don't hit me."

288. Roller skates are a godsend. Spray paint doubly so. Use it for Scrawl. Use it for Scrawl even if you can't Scrawl.

289. Hide gasoline under the bed in your Haven. That way if anyone comes in during the day and sets you on fire BOY WILL THEY BE SURPRISED!!!!!!!!!

290. Go completely lucid for a whole minute. Tell everyone exactly what you think of them, exactly what is going on, and some little tidbit that nobody has been looking at (ask the GM for something minor). Then they will start to EAT your EYEBALLS from the INSIDE!!!!

291. Self-mutilation, if you've got the blood to heal it.

292. Find out where a high-society play is going to be performed. Get a bunch of friends and dress up like mimes with baseball bats. Beat the piss out of the actors, declaring that they are all frauds, and that silence is the only true art form.

293. Steal some sharks form an aquatic park. Put them in the Prince's pool and tip off the coppers.

294. Find a Coke machine. Break into it and replace the cans with hand grenades. Make bets to see how many teachers' cars get blown up by vindictive students the next day.

295. Visit a modern art sculpture exhibit with a jackhammer.

296. (This would be a tough one...) Just before an attack submarine goes out on an extended patrol, convince the entire crew that they are really a German U-boat and that they must destroy all sea-faring vessels for the Fatherland.

297. Call some friends in a nearby city. Have each group hijack a train and head towards each other city on the same rail. Play chicken, of course.

298. Attend a cheerleading convention with a well concealed shotgun. Watch for when they throw the little girl into the air. Once again, yelling "Pull!" is considered good form before firing.

299. Go to an old folks home with a gun full of blanks. Make bets beforehand to see how many heart attacks will be induced. (Yes, yes, I know, I'll probably get flames for that one...)

300. At an organ donor center, secretly replace some hearts with tomatoes.

301. Sneak into the Superdome before a Saints game with some friends. Try to time dropping form the ceiling so you can sack the quarterbacks.

302. Go to a pet store after hours. Fleshcraft all the dogs to look like Spuds MacKenzie.

303. Dress up like knights, carry around a bunch of shrubs, scream "Ni!" at everyone, and throw grenades at rabbits. (Sorry Chris...) Chucking coconuts with swallows nailed to them at pedestrians is strictly optional.

304. Think Scarborough Faire. Think real weapons.

305. Make a real cat-o-nine-tails.

306. Go to a fancy restaurant. When the waiter asks what you would like for dinner, pull a dead cat out of your coat and tell 'em you want it medium-well.

307. Get a rifle and a knife. Go defend the Alamo.

308. Go to a professional fencing match. Really up the juice on those foils.

309. Replace a prisoner slated for execution the night he is to be killed. See how many times they throw the switch. Demand a doctor to check you out and really confuse 'em.

310. Rob a bank that you know has marked bills. Over the course of the next week, accost a lot of people and tell them, "Dis is a robbery!". Put some of the stolen money in their wallets and purses. See how many get hauled off for questioning the next day.

311. Dress up like Vikings, travel to England, and burn and pillage a small coastal town.

312. (Only for the hardy and ambitious Kindred...) Go to Antarctica. Wipe out all the scientists and the claim the international land as the domain of a certain Prince to all the authorities via radio. Run like hell and watch the Justicars descend on the unfortunate Prince...

313. Attend an orchestra with a few Roman candles and some smoke bombs.

314. Claymores, the ultimate whoopee cushions.

315. Fill several balloons with chlorine gas, and give them away. Tell kids they're filled with helium, and will make them talk funny if they inhale the gas.

316. Air compressor. Glass beads. Catheter.

317. Switch the sides of beef in a meat locker with live cows from a pasture.

318. Free all the fish from an aquarium, deliver them to Sally Jessie on the air, and explain that, "Once a PETA, always a PETA."

319. Raid a morgue. Replace the corpses with mannequins. Replace the mannequins with corpses.

320. Dress up like Muppets and hose people down with formaldehyde. Demand to know, "What have you done with Kermit?"

321. Take over the Bastille, and start guillotining tourists.

322. Attend a showing of Bambi. Sit in the balcony, and use a sniper rifle to drill Thumper.

323. You know those Super-Water Balloon Launchers they sell in the back of Popular Science? You know small children? You know what to do.

324. For Valentines Day, encase someone's spouse in chocolate. Like, a lot of chocolate. Make sure they're dead. Deliver with a large bow.

325. Get some SCUBA gear. Come out of the water and whack fishermen with a large bass.

326. As above, but find someone wading. Have a friend grab their line and take off. Then grab their ankles and take off.

327. Thermite grenades in the toilet! A LOT messier than cherry-bombs.

328. Go to Burger-King. Order a milkshake without the cup. If they complain, remind them, "Your way, right away." I saw this somewhere but can't remember where...

329. Dance naked somewhere. Explain that John Mellencamp made you do it.

330. Most air-force academies have rockets standing around. Steal one some night, and then saturate the ground around it with fire from a flame-thrower.

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